The Little Things

There are times I contemplate whether to go back to work, or rather yet – most days, these days….it’s a struggle at times when I think about financial security. Then there are those thoughts that seem to creep up in slo-mo, the “what if” thoughts…like what if I were working, what would life be like for me, my daughters, and my husband? Would we feel more financially secure? Would my children be happy? Would my husband be happy? Would I be happy-er?”

Other than the financial security I find one of my greatest reasons for jumping on this train of thought… There’s also the time away from the family (a separate life perhaps) some dare-I-say-it, “alone time” – time to be just Tiffany, not any one’s mother, daughter, or wife. It feels strange just thinking about it…I actually feel a bit guilty for even thinking about it…

And suddenly I lose my train of thought when Huntley runs up to me and says “mama, mmm” as she uses her hands and fingers to imitate her feeding me food (meaning she’s hungry). Then I think to myself, I’m glad I know all her gestures, her faces (when she’s happy and when she’s sad, or in this case hungry), what she got to do all day (play with friends at the playground, eat rice and beans mainly the beans, go to the pumpkin patch and sitting on a wet pumpkin, and ride a pony, the pony’s name was ginger). It becomes all this and those little things that has me coming back to realty and not regretting the choices I’ve made so far. I’m lucky (or even privileged) to get to spend the time I do spend with my girls and where we spend it, and I suppose there are the positives and negative for the latter choice as well. 

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