These days We can’t seem to catch a break with sicknesses in the Wall house. Baby girl has yet another cold to get over… As I lay here listening to her on the monitor, her little horsey coughs and raspy breathing, I can’t help but want to just go pick her up and put her next to me in bed. However she hates sleeping with us and sleeps so well in her crib alone… I miss her here in my arms…

Recently I was reminded that Penelope would be born in a little over three months – it’s still hasn’t hit me yet to be honest, or at least until now. It’s easy to forget how life is going to change so much, yet again. This pregnancy has been fairly easy, considering my first was filled with aches and pains (sciatica, morning sickness all three trimesters, and fatigue, just to name a few). I only threw-up once during car sickness before I even knew I was pregnant and also during Christmas when I caught the stomach bug. Other than that, up to 25 weeks, where I am now, I was feeling perfectly fine and mostly normal this pregnancy. However these last two weeks have been full on growth spurts for my belly!

This bump is getting out of control and I’m really starting to realize, we’re having another baby! I’ve started to contemplate on the ideas of what life will be like once Penelope arrives. How will Huntley feel about it all? Will she be jealous or not even realize because she didn’t get to be the only child for much time? Will she be upset about not getting as much attention?

And there she is on the monitor again, red dots moving and all. She’s crying now…

We moved her rocker/glider into Penelope’s nursery tonight since we finally rolled out the new rug and I wanted to see how it would all look. After all we weren’t using it in Huntley’s room anymore. Well, tonight might have been a good night to have rocked baby girl back to sleep if she’d let me. Poor sick girl. I nose Frida’d her little bitty nose and she cried and cried some more… I held her in my arms. Her little/big 23lb body lain over my growing belly. And I held her close and held her tight, the way I did when we took a bath and breathed in the hot steam just before clearing her little nose passages. And I walked and rocked my little girl back to sleep and let the sounds of the rain hitting the window soothe her.

Laying here in bed, I can’t help but think, these last few months will be the last months she’ll be my only baby. To be honest I’m starting to feel a bit anxious and overwhelmed by the thought of it. I’m starting to feel a bit sadness for our little Huntley, yet at the same time excitement for our Penelope!

Maybe it’s just my out-of-control hormones speaking (the ones that seemed to be hibernating until now), but I’ve got to remember that no matter what she’ll always be my first baby. She’ll always be the baby that made me a mother. She’ll always be my baby.

My baby you’ll always be.